Don’t bite the hand that probes you

I like to explore. I climb under tables, rampage through piles of papers, and pull down any reachable suspended object. I touch things, grab things, smack things, and turn any hollow object into a temporary drum. Imagine my surprise, then, when I found out my classmate didn’t want me to learn about him. After considering him from a purely observative mode, I decided to take the next obvious step: exploring his mouth with my thumb. This was all going quite well, until Punk-Face McBiter-Head decided my thumb was edible. Now, I admit that my first reaction when someone sticks something into my mouth is to bite down. Good for food, bad for medicine dispensers, awesome for Mommy fingers. But this is daycare! I expect a certain level of respect and camaraderie among my peers. He bit me! I was stunned. In a moment of allusive consideration, I tried to decide if I wanted to say “Et tu, Brute?” or “You bit me deep, PoopFace. You bit me real deep just now.” I decided to go with “AHHH-wuh-wuh-Ahh”. Effective and succinct, though slightly less clever than the alternates.

In other news, there was a lot of rain yesterday. It made the power flicker, and I heard Daddy mention that the File Server crashes whenever the power goes out. I know Daddy isn’t very good with this sort of thing, so I thought I’d make some suggestions:

• Give the server a flashlight. That way, when the power goes out, he can still deliver his files to everyone.
• Install emergency lighting. This is even better than a flashlight, because the server can hold files in both hands this way.
• Quit worrying about it. After all, how are you going to read a file in the dark? I guess you could hold the paper in one hand and a flashlight in the other, but that just seems silly.

Hopefully Daddy will consider some of these suggestions. I’m not sure why he didn’t think of this on his own. Lucky for him, I’m here to straighten things out.

Expanding my Culinary Horizons

Last night, Grandmama and Grandpa came to our house!  I had a lot of fun with them.  So much fun that I couldn’t let myself take my afternoon nap.  I got kinda cranky, though, so they had to change what they were doing for dinner.  Instead of going out somewhere, we ordered takeout.  I loved it!  I got to have rolls, cheese, potatoes, chipotle chicken strips, and even ribs!!  Delicious!

At one point, I got too excited and started hit Grandpa in the face with a big plastic thing.  Do you know what he did?!  He made me sit on the floor and not touch anything.  Daddy says it was only about 20 or 30 seconds, but it was terrible!  I hate sitting still!!  Spank me, chastise me, make me eat bugs – Just don’t make me sit still.  I cried and cried.  And just when I was finished, Daddy had the nerve to say “Alright, baby boy.  Can you play gentle now?”  To this, of course, I responded with a new outburst of tears.

And I totally mean that thing about eating bugs.  Mommy and Daddy won’t let me, but I’d really like to try it.  If you can hook me up, give me a call.  I pay in Cheerios and slobber.

Conspiracy Theory

Gentle readers,

It has been a long time since I last wrote you.  I have been VERY busy.  I’ve been running around the house, playing a lot at daycare, celebrating my first birthday, and generally having a wonderful time.

Today, however, something terrible happened.  They conspired against me, I tell you!  I was running around the room at daycare when suddenly the floor jumped up and twisted, visciously knocking me over.  Then the wall leapt out and attacked me, violently banging my right cheek and eye.  Luckily, despite their evil plots, they didn’t manage to harm me too much, but I yelled enough to let them know my displeasure.  I have a couple of battle scars, but Mommy and Daddy assure me that they’ll fade.

Bonk

I bumped my head on the table today.  I haven’t seen it, but Mommy and Daddy claim I have a big red mark on my face.  It hurt.  I cried.

That kitty is SO fast.  Today I got a handful of hair, but he slipped away before I could eat him.